Grief vs. Mourning
4 years ago
Monday, September 13, 2010
Bridger's Scrapbook
My sweet friend Heather designed these pages for Bridger's scrapbook. It was then printed into a book. I love it and look at all of the time. Thank you Heather. P.S. Not all of the pictures would show up, but I am working on that...
Thursday, September 9, 2010
I Wish...
It is 11:30 at night. I often think of Bridger at night when there is peace in the house (although Carter is still not asleep and is banging on his crib at the moment..). Anyway, I decided to watch Bridger's slideshow that NILMDS provided, and of course I couldn't help but bawl my eyes out. Bridger was such a gorgeous baby! He looked so much like Carter - I couldn't believe it. That makes it extra hard to look at his pictures too because I think of both of my boys. I also couldn't help thinking how unfair life is.
I WISH he were here! I wish I was holding my 3 month old little baby. I wish I could see Carter hold his baby brother. I wish that I could hold my own baby instead of everyone else's. I wish I didn't feel the void that is constant in my life and in our family. I wish I didn't stay up until late hours in the morning researching...I wish I didn't have to worry about what people thought, or make sure I don't make them uncomfortable. I wish I didn't have to wonder.. I wish this didn't have to happen to anyone, ever!
Who knew you could have a child who is too perfect? It reminds me of the perfection that Christ exemplified. Although he took a different journey, my Bridger is as perfect as Christ was in this life. He was a sacrifice so that he could fulfill a mission for Heavenly Father - and maybe for us too. We, like God, lost a son. The perspective of the atonement, plan of salvation, and God's love for us has increased ten-fold for me. I always believed it, but now I REALLY believe and have more understanding and appreciation. Thank goodness for the gospel in our life. Although tonight was hard, it would have been unbearable without the knowledge that I will see my little boy again. He is already in God's highest kingdom and that is a great feeling. I have a lot to live up to, but I feel that I can do it.
I guess I have already kind of born my testimony, but I just want to say a little bit more. I don't bear it very often and I know I should. I know with all my heart that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the TRUE church. I know that God loves each and every one of us. I know that Christ is our eldest brother and that he went through the ULTIMATE sacrifice to save us. I can't believe I am saying this, but I am grateful for trials. If we had everything handed to us we would not learn and become better people. Losing Bridger was the biggest wake up call for me and I will be a better person because of him. I am grateful for the people that surround me in my life. My husband, my Carter, my family, my friends, and my ward members. I am grateful to the women I have met online that have been through this same trial and have helped me. I am grateful for the temple and the spirit. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
I love you Bridger.
Love,
Mommy
P.S. If you feel like giving me a spiritual hug from wherever you are I wouldn't be opposed :)
I WISH he were here! I wish I was holding my 3 month old little baby. I wish I could see Carter hold his baby brother. I wish that I could hold my own baby instead of everyone else's. I wish I didn't feel the void that is constant in my life and in our family. I wish I didn't stay up until late hours in the morning researching...I wish I didn't have to worry about what people thought, or make sure I don't make them uncomfortable. I wish I didn't have to wonder.. I wish this didn't have to happen to anyone, ever!
Who knew you could have a child who is too perfect? It reminds me of the perfection that Christ exemplified. Although he took a different journey, my Bridger is as perfect as Christ was in this life. He was a sacrifice so that he could fulfill a mission for Heavenly Father - and maybe for us too. We, like God, lost a son. The perspective of the atonement, plan of salvation, and God's love for us has increased ten-fold for me. I always believed it, but now I REALLY believe and have more understanding and appreciation. Thank goodness for the gospel in our life. Although tonight was hard, it would have been unbearable without the knowledge that I will see my little boy again. He is already in God's highest kingdom and that is a great feeling. I have a lot to live up to, but I feel that I can do it.
I guess I have already kind of born my testimony, but I just want to say a little bit more. I don't bear it very often and I know I should. I know with all my heart that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the TRUE church. I know that God loves each and every one of us. I know that Christ is our eldest brother and that he went through the ULTIMATE sacrifice to save us. I can't believe I am saying this, but I am grateful for trials. If we had everything handed to us we would not learn and become better people. Losing Bridger was the biggest wake up call for me and I will be a better person because of him. I am grateful for the people that surround me in my life. My husband, my Carter, my family, my friends, and my ward members. I am grateful to the women I have met online that have been through this same trial and have helped me. I am grateful for the temple and the spirit. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
I love you Bridger.
Love,
Mommy
P.S. If you feel like giving me a spiritual hug from wherever you are I wouldn't be opposed :)
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