The Hard Days - Today was one of them...

There are some days that I consider "The Hard Days." These are days that I know I am going to have to face that are hard because of losing Bridger. One of those days was the day/weekend that Bridger would have been born. I was going to be induced a week early so that was the day (June 4th or 5th) that I planned on having him. Another hard day was my birthday (June 17th) because that was the one month mark of his delivery. The first Monday after he was born was a hard day because I remembered exactly what I was doing at the same time just a week before. His actual due date (June 11th) was hard because I knew that he probably would have been with me by then.

Today was another hard day. It was my postpartum checkup. My Dr. and the staff were all incredibly nice to me. But the last time I went into that office is when I found out Bridger would not be staying with us. I thought that I would be ok but as soon as my Dr. walked in I started crying. He asked how I was doing and then told me they had received the pathology report back. I can't remember the technical term he told me for the kink in the cord, but he did tell me that the spot where the kink was contained little or no Wharton's Jelly. I had never heard about Wharton's Jelly until I started doing research on umbilical cord deaths. Here is the description of what it is:


Wharton's jelly is a specialized tissue serving many purposes for the developing fetus. Its specialized cells contain gelatin-like mucus that encase fibers. These properties give it an elastic and cushion effect, which can tolerate the vibration, bending, stretching and twisting of an active fetus. In addition, it holds the vessels together, may regulate blood flow, plays a role in providing nutrition to the fetus, stores chemistry for the onset of labor, and protects the supply line.
Umbilical cords without much Wharton's jelly are more prone to compression, and complete absence is usually associated with fetal death. If an umbilical cord is twisted or knotted, it is more likely to tighten where there is less resistance, such as an area low in Wharton's jelly.
It is believed that males have more Wharton's jelly content than do females and that good nutrition increases the amount. Wharton's jelly tends to reduce with gestational age and can disappear when pregnancies go beyond 40 weeks. Because these cases tend to have fetal heart rate changes, the level of Wharton's jelly is a consideration when obstetricians plan the deliveries of pregnancies low on amniotic fluid.

One part that struck me when reading this was that good nutrition increases the amount of Wharton's Jelly. So you can bet that with my next pregnancy I am probably going to be the annoying pregnant girl that won't eat any junk or treats! My Dr. also said that he thinks that this was fluke and that the chances of it happening again are very slim. That was comforting to hear. He also said that we might start doing the non-stress tests sooner and that I could go in and get a non-stress test done anytime I want. They will probably be so sick of seeing me! He also told me that the last time he had to deliver a stillborn baby was 19 years ago. Statistically they say that about 1 in every 300ish pregnancies ends with a stillbirth. So statistically speaking whatever my Dr. has been doing has been beating the odds. I have full trust and faith in him and know that he would have done anything he could have. I honestly believe it was Bridger's time to go. He has an important mission to serve. If he hadn't have left us this way he probably would have gone another way. 


After talking to my Dr. he gave me a teddy bear with Bridger's birth information on the back. He gives one to all of the babies he delivers. Carter and both of my brothers have one. I am so glad he did that. I love it. Any evidence I have of Bridger makes him that much more real and "alive" to me. 

Well, to end on my hard days post... other hard days are coming up. It is a hard day when I see friends having their babies that were due around the same time as me. I am REALLY happy for them. And even though I know it will be hard I even want to hold their newborn baby. I was looking forward to holding a newborn baby and I still want to. So, we will see how that goes. One more thing... and I know that many other friends have felt this same way at some point. It seems like everyone I know is pregnant! Or everywhere I look there is a pregnant woman! Holy Moly! Do we live in Utah or what?! I really am so happy for everyone that is expecting. It is just a constant reminder. I am sure my time will come again when I will be another one of those pregnant women! :o)